A Humphrey Christmas
by misspeetabread1
Summary: Gossip Girl: Inception style! This is how Gossip Girl actually ended in my head :) Dylan Humphrey has finally overcome his writers block, but takes a little break from Gossip Girl to spend the holidays with his friends and family.


**"That's a secret you know I'll never tell. XOXO Gossip Girl." Dylan smiled at the computer screen. He had been having a serious case of writer's block lately, but it seemed to finally be wearing off.**

"DYLAN HUMPHREY!" Dylan jumped, quickly hitting the Save button and slamming his laptop shut. He knew that tone of voice a little too well and he wasn't about to get into it with her. They'd been married for eight months, and while they were blissfully happy and more in love than ever, they had been together long enough to know which buttons to push. Dylan knew he had been pushing it, working on Christmas Eve, but he had to write his ideas down before he consumed a little too much alcohol and forgot it all.

"I'm sorry babe. I'm done, I promise." She gave him a look. "I swear- I'm finished! And all yours for the next week I promise. Then its all Claire, all the time!" Dylan grinned, wrapping his arms around her and bent down to kiss her forehead. Claire swatted him away. "Hey! I spent 20 minutes ironing this dress I don't want it to get crinkled!" Dylan bit back a smile. "Just let me put on a tie and I'll be right out. I'm sure we can think of a few more ways for me to not mess up your perfect dress." Claire looked up, eyeing him suspiciously. "You hate wearing ties. Are you trying to make me forget that I'm mad at you?"

"No. It's Christmas Eve and we're having dinner with our friends and family. I want to look nice." He walked to the closet and pulled out a green satin tie. "How about this one?" Claire sighed. "You're cute but you have the fashion sense of a mule. That color with that shirt would be an abomination! What would you do without me, seriously." She walked over and took the tie from his hand, placing it back in the closet and turned to him, fixing his collar. "You hate wearing ties" she repeated, her hands starting to shake slightly. "And you don't have to wear one because you think I would want you to." Dylan steadied her hands with his own, removing them from his shirt and kissing her knuckles softly. "I'd do anything for you. But this is hardly an issue. What's this really about?"

Claire hesitated. "I.. it's nothing. Really. Just the pre-dinner jitters. We're hosting our first holiday get together as a married couple and I'm just a little nervous." She laughed anxiously. "I'll shake it off. Don't worry about me." Dylan pulled her into a hug. "We're in this together. Equals." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "But if you messed up the creme brulee I take no responsibility." Claire burst out laughing and shoved him away playfully. "What happened to equals? Real nice Humphrey, leaving your wife to fend for herself." Dylan feigned a look of shock. "They can be brutal, that bunch. Like a pack of wolves." Claire grinned. "A pack of hungry wolves. Who are now probably a little angry you've left them waiting for so long." Dylan's face dropped. "They're already here?" Claire gave him the sweetest smile she could manage. "Uh huh. Did I forget to mention that?"

—

Dinner went off without a hitch, and everyone gathered in the family room for dessert. Dylan looked around the room at all the people that he loved so much. There were his father and his wife Rose, drinking cups of coffee and having an intense conversation about 80s rock music. His step sister Sabrina and her boyfriend Ethan, talking quietly to Dylan's mother and her new husband. His friend Charlie and his wife Eve, playing with toys on the floor next to the Christmas tree with their son Henry. They'd come to visit from Paris, where they'd been living the past two years. His younger sister Jennifer and step brother Derek, explaining how Twitter worked to Claire's parents. How amusing that conversation must be. And finally his wife. His soulmate. His best friend. All rolled into one and snuggling with him on the loveseat. She caught him looking at her and smiled. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Before he could respond, his dad cut him off. "So Dylan- how's the book coming?" Dylan grinned at his father, itching to tell everyone about all the progress that he made. "It's doing great- I'm almost finished with the next book!" This was news to Claire. "Are you serious? I had no idea you'd gotten that far. Congratulations sweetheart." She kissed his cheek. Everyone else was surprised too and immediately started questioning him about it. "Are you killing off Chuck?" "What about Serena and Dan?" "Will Eric and Jenny ever be back?" "Please tell me Rufus and Lily end up getting back together!" "When is Nate finally getting a storyline dude, all he ever does is get laid!"

"Okay, okay, okay." Dylan put up his hands in surrender. "Just give me a second. I said it was close to done- not that it was finished! And besides I still have enough to write a couple more books, I think." Sabrina groaned. "Well that's all well and good, but please tell me Serena and Dan don't end up together in the end. Those characters are based off of us! You have a twisted mind, D." Everyone laughed. "It's not that twisted, S." Ethan elbowed her playfully. "The two of you did date when we were in high school." "Yeah- in high school. And before our parents…ugh." She shuddered. "He's my brother just as much as Derek is!" Dylan laughed. "And I love you, **_sis_****. But those characters are just fragments of us, not the real thing. No one would ever want to read books about our real lives!" Everyone laughed.**

"Well, technically speaking they are us." Charlie spoke up. "Maybe not the Gossip Girl versions of ourselves, but the Inside versions are. They even have our names!" "Not your last names!" Dylan defended himself. "Except Dan has mine. I couldn't resist Blair constantly calling him Humphrey. That particular reality I couldn't bear to change." He winked at Claire. "And Inside isn't completely black and white either." "Tell me about it." Ethan chimed in. "Derek and I were fused! No wonder Nate was so pissed at Dan. You knew I would be annoyed with you!" He laughed. "I have to hand it to you though. That was some Inception-style shenanigans you had going on there for awhile. A book within a book!"

"To be fair, the Gossip Girl characters don't know they're actually in a book too." Eve laughed. "But I must say I'm a little disappointed Eva is gone. You're bringing her back for Chuck eventually won't you?" "Yeah..I'm sorry that Eva isn't as present as the rest of the characters." Dylan smiled sheepishly at her, but she waved him off. "She shouldn't be. You all went to school together and have been friends for years. I was a late addition." She looked down at Henry, immersed in his toys and ruffled his hair. "Nice touch having Chuck's name be Henry for awhile though. It was much appreciated." Charlie touched his forehead to hers and whispered that he loved her before looking over to Dylan. "I still don't know if I like that you made me the villain… where do you even come up with these things? I swear half of your audience must love him while the other hates him with a burning passion" He laughed. "I feel like I should ask if you secretly hate me… do you?" He raised an eyebrow and Dylan gave him a look. "Oh please. I love you like a brother, you know that. Every story needs a villain and you were the perfect one!"

"Okay, enough with all the unimportant questions. Here the major one- which one of our characters is Gossip Girl going to be?" Jennifer threw a sofa pillow at Dylan, who easily caught it and threw it back at her. "If you make it Jenny, I'm disowning you. You put that girl through the ringer!" Everyone turned to look at Dylan. "Well.. I'm not sure yet. I was thinking Dorota, but-" Everyone cut him off. "No way, that's too obvious!" "I thought for sure you would make it one of the core group!" "You need to rethink Dylan, it has to be someone no one saw coming!" "I KNEW IT WOULD BE DOROTA!" Claire yelled and then took a breath, embarrassed when everyone looked at her. "I mean..I just…" She looked down to study her perfectly painted nails. "I'm just going to stop talking now." Everyone burst out laughing and a few seconds later, Claire joined in, shaking her head.

"Well, whoever Gossip Girl ends up being..it'll be all of us." Everyone looked at Dylan, puzzled. "What do you mean?" Derek asked. "Sorry- that didn't make sense. Let me explain. Yes, each character is largely based off of one of you. But they each also have qualities that all of you have. Take Dan for example. I was the outsider in high school because I never put myself out there. But Dan is fiercely loyal to his family. That's all Sabrina. He's intelligent but never brags about how smart he is, just like Derek. It takes awhile for him to open up to people but once he does, he's very trusting like Ethan. He's sarcastic in a way that's funny but never mean, just like Charlie. He's kind- for the most part- like Jenn." He winked at his sister, and then shifted his attention to his wife. "And when he loves, its with everything that he has. Just like you." Claire beamed at him. "Get it now? So at the end- all of you can say that you're Gossip Girl!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's real sweet and all D, but you do know already know who it's going to be, don't you?" Jennifer grilled him. "I do- but I'll tell you some other time. There's some other news we have to announce, and now seems as good a time as any." He rubbed Claire's shoulders reassuringly. "Its funny you mention that." Sabrina squeezed Ethan's knee. "So do we." Charlie glanced at Eve, who nodded slightly. "Us too!" They all looked at each other curiously.

"Well..don't keep us in suspense for much longer, dears. Who's going first?" Rose eyed them each in turn. There was complete silence for a few seconds and then all of a sudden Dylan, Ethan and Charlie all spoke at the same time. "We're having a baby!" "We're getting married!" "We're moving back home!"

"Wait..WHAT?" Everyone started talking over each other. "Hey! Stop!" Everyone quieted down immediately and looked down at Henry, who was standing with his hands on his hips. "One person at a time! We learned that in school!" He looked proudly at his mom, who pulled him into her lap. "You're right, honey." Charlie grinned. "I guess I'll go first. We're opening a new branch of the hotel in Soho. Someone has to be here to run it and honestly.. we miss it here. Paris is great but this city will always be our home. And of course all of you!" Everyone murmured their approval. "It'll be great to have you all back. It's not the same when you're not around!" Ethan took a breath. "My turn now, I guess. I finally popped the question. I'm making an honest woman out of her." He pulled a red box out of his pocket. "I've been holding onto this because she wanted to put it on for the first time with all of you with us." He slipped the ring onto her finger, kissing it softly. "Perfect fit." Sabrina whispered and kissed him. They all exchanged hugs and kisses with the newly engaged couple, and admired the beautiful ring.

"Now what's this about a baby?" Everyone turned their attention to Claire and Dylan. "It's true!" Dylan could barely contain his excitement. "In seven months we're going to have our own little munchkin." Claire gave him a look. "Don't call our baby a munchkin. Honestly Humphrey." She rolled her eyes, but there was no hiding her own excitement. Congratulations and well wishes were said all around. It was a great day for them all. 

**—**

**Later that night, Dylan had trouble falling asleep and wrote for hours. He was telling Jennifer the truth- he did know who Gossip Girl would be- Dan and Serena's half brother Scott. It was perfect. He had every reason to want to be part of the in crowd, he had the connections and was off canvas enough for it to actually be believable. It's New York City after all, a huge place where someone could easily go undetected and stay off the grid. There was still some things to work through, but Dylan was confident he would find the perfect end to his story.**

He stopped for a moment to reflect on the day that had come and gone and smiled to himself. Life couldn't be better. He looked over at his wife, who was smiling. Even asleep, she was positively glowing. He saved his work and crawled into bed next to her. She shifted, curling up next to him and throwing her arm over him. Dylan closed his eyes, not knowing how he could be so lucky but grateful for all that he had been blessed with: a growing family, a successful career, and the most amazing friends and family he could have ever asked for. He could feel himself drifting, and the last thing he remembered before falling asleep was a voice in his head, saying the tagline his books had made famous…

You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl.


End file.
